Warrior Mindset - Part II

In the last part, Warrior Mindset, I discussed one of two strategies for preparing to hurt someone, or to be hurt in a violent encounter.  The first was training with contact.  The next is:

• Visualization/mental rehearsal and drawing on past tactile experiences

Most importantly, you need to visualize actually committing violence and causing injury to another person.  Most people can do this to some degree, but most do not really think it through.  They envision movie violence as opposed to real violence.  Often this is the only kind of violence people have seen, so it’s not surprising that real violence is often shocking to them.  

How would it feel to break someone’s limb?  What would it sound like?  What would they do?  Scream, fight back?  How would it make you feel?  What if you had to smash their face into the concrete?

Remember, real violence is disgusting, even for the victor (unless you’ve got problems...).  

So, if we only visualize the upsetting nature of violence, this could potentially work against us.  You need to balance this by finding out why (or if) you are prepared to commit violence in the first place.  To do this, you need to be confident up front that:

• You did not want to be part of this encounter
• You did whatever you could to avoid it

If you know these two things, then you can know you didn’t have a choice.  You have been forced into the situation, against your will.  You will be filled with self-doubt if you could have easily walked away, and you may have to consider legal repercussions of the situation.

You are then left with an unavoidable situation where you didn’t have a choice.  The only thing you control is your decision to fight back or not.

You now need to ask yourself what, or who, is at risk?  

Let me ask you this?  Who would you be prepared to fight for?  Your spouse/partner, parent, child or other loved one?  Would you be prepared to commit violence to protect them?  

Most people have someone they would be willing to do this for.  So let me ask you this.  If you are someone’s spouse/partner, or someone’s parent or even someone’s child, what impact would you not coming home have on them?  If you are faced by unavoidable, unwanted violence, it’s not just you that is at risk.  The attacker is threatening those closest to you as well.  

This is one way to prepare you to commit violence on others.  Understand that your loved ones may as well be standing there, as they are equally at risk, albeit not from the physical act itself.

To sum up, the two things you need to know:

• That you did everything to not be involved in the attack.
• That you are protecting more than just you and your body.

This can go a long way to prepare you to commit violence on another.  Visualizing the actual event then becomes slightly less unsettling and can serve more to anticipate or prepare for what might logically follow.  After all, if someone yells “STOP!”  when you are forced to hurt them, are you going to let them go as a reflex or have you resigned yourself to continuing until you know you can get away safely/get help?  You also need to know that what you are doing is not about punishing your attacker, or trying to hurt them.  It is about doing what you have to in order to survive and get away. 

This is all about mindset and the will to win. 

The military has a relatively short time to train their soldiers and yet they become extremely effective warriors.  Do you think they are taught secret techniques never seen by anyone else?  No.  It’s all about mindset, knowing that they have to win and knowing what, and who, they’re fighting for.  And training to keep fighting, no matter what.  To never give up.  Ever.

Never give up.  Ever.  Even if you’re hurt or injured (see last article).  Keep fighting until you can get away safely and get help.

Developing this mindset outweighs any physical training by a long shot. 

Now, I did mention drawing on past tactile experiences.  This sort of fits into both categories of physical and mental training.

Have you ever been punched in the face?  Not a sparring error, but actually hit hard, punched or kicked in the head or face by someone trying to hurt you?  

Most people haven’t.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, I have.  I know what it feels like.  It sucks.  And it hurts.  And it’s shocking.  I say unfortunately because it happened and I didn’t prevent it.  I say fortunately because I used it as a learning opportunity.  I know how it feels.  I mentioned it hurts.  It does, but for me the worst pain didn’t come until later when it really set in.  What it did do was make me disoriented, it caused a ringing in my ears and distorted sounds and caused a slightly ‘out of it’ sensation.  The world wasn’t quite right for a bit. 

I had the peculiar experience of recognising I’d been hurt and that it wasn’t minor, but I was not quite able to determine to what degree.  It took a while to sort out what had happened, making me slower to react.  We’re only talking seconds, or milliseconds here, but as we all know, that can make all the difference.

So, the first time it happened, I was slow to re-orient myself and respond.  I now use those sensations as a ‘trigger point’ for a ramped-up response.  Those sensations only occur when I’m in considerable danger, so I am now prepared to respond rapidly with a serious response.  

This serves well professionally for many (law enforcement, security, military etc), but can just as easily be applied to ‘normal’ life as well.

You don’t necessarily need to have been attacked to rely on previous tactile experiences.  As you know, your grey matter is flexible and you can be too.

Many years ago, I was getting out of my car in a parking lot on a windy day.  A strong gust of wind caught my car door as by head was turned away.  I turned my head just in time to be struck by the door full force on the side of the head and face.  After having experienced violence later in life, I am struck (no pun intended) by the similarities of the experiences.  Those same shock, disorientation, ringing and ‘out of it’ sensations were present then.  At the time, I was violence free, so to speak, so I didn’t realize that I could have used that experience to develop a ‘trigger’ to fight back.  The only real difference was the source of the attack, door vs. person.

Many of you will be able to remember, likely in considerable detail, a time in your life where you got hurt.  Maybe you hit a tree tobogganing, maybe you got hit by a car, fell off a bike etc.  These traumatic events tend to remain in memory for most of your life.  

Find one of these experiences, re-live it your mind, including the sensations, and then move it into the self-defense/preservation section of your brain.  Any time you experience similar sensations, you are ready to fight for your life.

This stuff works.  So the next time a car door hits you in the face and your hands come up as you get ready to strike out, be proud of yourself.  Caught unaware, it’s just as likely that the car door is an attacker who blindsided you.  The only difference is you’re ready for it.

I’ve covered off two broad categories and strategies for preparing yourself to be hurt and to hurt others.  I hope you can utilize some of my recommendations to better prepare yourself if you are forced to commit violence for self preservation. 

Train well,
JM.  

Warrior Mindset

Brett over at kyokushin blog left the following comment on one of my posts on Post Violence - Surviving the Aftermath, Part I,  2, 3 and 4.

He wrote "One question: You said that the mental aspect of training, and the readiness to be hurt and hurt others is something that has to come from within. I agree with this and have tried exploring these ideas, but perhaps you can elaborate on where you started when you began this aspect of your training?"

So how does one prepare themselves mentally to be hurt, or to hurt others, when confronted with unavoidable violence?

This is not an easy question to answer.  It is different for everyone.  It is a form of mental gymnastics in many ways.  

First – How do you prepare yourself to be hurt?

The first thing you need to recognize is that you will likely be hurt or injured to some degree during a violent encounter.  It is possible you’ll come out unscathed, but if you don’t prep yourself for the likelihood of being hurt, the situation could be disastrous for you.

Here’s one of the strategies I recommend:

• Train with contact.  

Safety is paramount in training, but pain and contact are important parts of effective preparation.  It will be challenging to deal with pain and injury if you’ve never been hit.  

There is a natural degree of shock that most people experience when they get hit/hurt.  Training to fight through this, or not to freeze when it happens, is extremely important.  I am by no means recommending that you beat each other up during training, but simply playing tag or no contact training (depending on your art) is largely ineffective for preparing for pain/injury. 

I think it was Mike Tyson that said “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”.  Perhaps not the most eloquent saying, but he makes a good point.  

You can further enhance training with contact with physical conditioning.  Breath control, keeping your core tight and resistance training can help greatly. 

My own Sensei also assists me with the Shinai stick…anyone who’s met one of these little babies will know what I’m talking about…

For those who don’t know what this is, it’s a training stick, or sword, often used in Kendo training.  In our dojo, it is often used to test our stances, focus and balance.  How?  When doing stance work or movement drills requiring total body alignment/muscle tightening, Sensei will strike us with the shinai stick, usually in the stomach, legs, or rump.  It's not meant to injure, but if you’re not paying attention, it really smarts.  It’s not a solid stick, by the way, but still quite effective.  I’ve included a picture of a shinai for your reference. 

My Sensei often half jokes that if you get hit harder in training then you would in the street, you’ll think “Is that it?” if a real attack occurs.  

* Please note that building up to this level should occur slowly over time.  I do not recommend going full out on a new student, or ones that do not have a great deal of confidence at their level of training.  

Getting used to pain, even to a lesser degree than you might receive on the street, will allow you to continue fighting, or to react faster if an attack occurs.  Your brain won’t have to take the time to figure out what this new sensation is.  As covered in previous articles, your brain will search for a time you have experienced the same, or a similar situation, before you will physically react to it.  The faster it finds something, the faster you react/respond. 

In other words, the faster your brain says “Been there, done that”, the faster, and better, you’ll respond.

Beyond just contact, using pain as a training tool is also important.  The reason I mention pain separately (since getting hit hurts too) is mainly focused on martial arts that utilize joint locks, chokes, controls, breaks etc.  It is very important to take a technique to a point where your training partner needs to tap or submit to avoid injury.  This benefits both parties.  For the person applying the technique – they learn where the break/injury will occur (preparing to commit violence).  It allows the person receiving the technique to experience pain (preparing to receive violence), and to be able to differentiate between something that just hurts and something that will cause injury.  

If you know your arm is about to break in a real encounter, you can either steel yourself to it (minimizing shock temporarily) or you can adjust/increase the severity of your response accordingly.

That’s on the physical training side of things.  In the next part, I’ll discuss the mental training and some strategies you may wish to use for this.
Train safely,

JM.

Post Violence - Surviving the Aftermath - Part IV

In the last three parts, Post Violence - Surviving the Aftermath - Part I,  Part II and Part III we discussed the aftermath of a violent encounter.  We focused mainly on what happens when you “lose” the encounter, both in your mind and the impact it may have on your training.
So what happens to you if you “win” the encounter?  If you did come out the victor, you probably found yourself in one of these categories:

• Your training worked flawlessly and you easily dispatched your opponent effortlessly.
• Your training kind of worked, or it didn’t, but you won anyway.

If you fit into category #1, keep doing whatever you’re doing.  I don’t think I’ve ever met someone in this category.  Quite frankly, most people will experience varying levels of category #2.  

You should be very happy if some of your physical training kicked in.  This is a good sign that you are training in the right way, with the right mindset.

Most likely, assuming you remember what you did to be successful, you will be questioning your technique and training somewhat.  These are good lessons to learn.  What worked well, what didn’t and where you need to focus your efforts.

So far, all positive stuff, right?  

It’s not really that simple, unfortunately.  A surprise to some is how traumatic winning an encounter can be. 

Many will be shaken by the experience.  Many will believe it was purely luck that allowed them to win.  Many will question whether or not they could ever repeat the techniques (if any) that they used.  Many will beat themselves up for reverting to a more base style of primal combat instead of being a polished martial artist.  Many will question whether or not they should continue to train at all if they revert to a big arm swinging, gross motor style of fighting, similar to children in a school yard scrap.  Some will question their art, some their teacher, some themselves.

Some will be sickened by the fact that they may have injured someone else.  Some will question if they went too far.  Some may be embroiled in the legal system.

Some will constantly re-live the experience when they close their eyes.  Some will become paranoid and hyper-vigilant, sensing danger around every turn.  Some may overreact to perceived threats.  Some will want to stay home and withdraw from their other activities, preferring to remain in a safe zone.  Some will become overprotective of their loved ones.  Some will arm themselves.

The potential impact that a real violent encounter can have on you is essentially the same whether you win or you lose.  A trauma is a trauma.  You may experience any or all of the same symptoms, regardless of who ‘won’.  

Occasionally someone who “loses” will seek out confrontation to try to prove themselves, essentially overcompensating to try to deal with their insecurity and self-doubt.  Having said that, some “winners” will feel the same need to seek out a fight to validate that they could, in fact, win again.

Obviously, the true way to be a winner is to avoid a confrontation altogether, but that is not what this discussion is all about.  In truth, occasionally violence is unavoidable. 

There are no true winners in a violent encounter.  Everyone will lose something in the process.  This is exactly why our training should have the multi-faceted approach of: 

• Awareness/avoidance
• Mental Preparation
• Physical Skills development.

We train to prepare to respond to violence in a (generally) peaceful society.  We should spend some time preparing ourselves for what might realistically transpire if violence does find us, and the fallout of same.  We should know that a martial art is not a panacea, a magical entity on its own that will swoop in and save us.  We need to prepare ourselves mentally just as much as physically.

I hope you’ve been able to take something of value from this series.  Your feedback, as always, is appreciated.

Be Safe,

JM.

Post Violence - Surviving the Aftermath - Part III

In Post Violence - Surviving the Aftermath - Part I  and Part II, we talked about surviving the after effects of violence and some of the mental trauma you may experience as a result.

We discussed ‘losing’ an encounter and the toll it might take on your training, current or future.  Part II ended discussing how people may question or quit their style and/or teacher and how many may think that martial arts don’t work.

I also mentioned the DFL factor.  DFL – ‘dumb F’n luck’ can occur at any time during a violent encounter, do your detriment or to your advantage.  A good fighter can lose to a novice if DFL kicks in.  Know that anyone might get the better of you depending on this factor.  Training is about minimizing the chances of this from occurring.

I told the story of a young man who was mugged on the street after years and years of training in Karate.  He was unable to mount an effective response to it and ultimately quit training, under the belief that Karate (in his case) didn’t work.

I said that it could have been the young man’s training, or it could have been his Sensei or it could have been him.

Any longer term readers of this blog will know that I believe a serious mindset is required for meaningful and effective training.  You can, and should, have fun, of course.  But if your head’s not in the game and you’re just going through the motions in training without connecting the skills to the real world, you’re unlikely to ever learn anything ‘useable’.  

If you’ve never prepared yourself mentally to deal with real violence, no amount of training in the world will help you against a motivated violent attacker.  

You must train your mind to be prepared to respond to violence, and to cause damage to others if necessary, to protect yourself or those you care about.  You must be prepared to do this without hesitation if the encounter can’t be avoided.  

Martial arts are only tools to make this easier to accomplish.  Without the will to win, they are essentially useless for self-preservation.  You must know, and truly believe, that you will prevail.  That you will triumph no matter what and that you will do whatever it takes to survive.

This is the skill that can’t be taught.  It must come from within.  

There are a few methods you can use to help prepare yourself.  Awareness training is one.  Mental role-play/rehearsal is another.  Utilizing the ‘if’ ‘then’ model of thinking.  If this happens, then I’ll do this.

Not only will this decrease your reaction time (make you faster) in the event of an attack, but your mind will have somewhat prepared your body to deal with the whole the host of physiological effects brought about by a traumatic event.  You will also greatly reduce the chances of hesitating, which can lead to disaster.  

You can do this any time, by the way.  For example, if you’re on the subway or public transit, imagine what you would do if the guy/girl across from you suddenly pulled out a knife, or a gun, or even an explosive device.  While the other riders would be confused and disoriented, you could react decisively and quickly, before those around you even knew what was going on.  Practice this mental rehearsal as much as possible.  It can be done anywhere at any time.

Another often overlooked area, is steeling yourself mentally, to really hurting someone else, if needed.  We are surrounded by sexy images of movie violence.  It’s not.  It’s ugly and upsetting, even for those on the winning side (assuming you’re not a predator).  It won’t look good, it won’t feel good and it may hurt you as well, physically.  Many a hand has been broken hitting others.  Often the winner is the one that is less hurt in an encounter.  Expect to fight with pain.  For some, it will hurt then, for others, the pain won’t set in until after.  Whatever the case, prepare your mind to fight though anything, including the sight of your own blood, or broken limb etc.  It’s about survival at this point.

Don’t expect your martial arts to ‘rescue you’ or just kick in when you need them.  This is not to say that you can’t drill a skill until it becomes an instinctive response.  You may actually react instinctually to an initial grab or strike, but if you’re not mentally prepared to follow up, that may be as far as you get.

Personally, I don’t expect my martial arts to work perfectly, if at all, during a real violent encounter.  I expect that I will survive no matter what and if my martial arts training help, that’s a bonus.  If it allows me to cause less damage to myself or my attacker, or to end the encounter more quickly, then it’s been a success.  If I’ve worked on my awareness and mental rehearsal skills enough, I may be able to more closely resemble the cinematic martial arts response.  If I’ve reacted quickly enough due to my mental preparation, it may look like I saw it coming.  Interjecting early enough into an encounter may allow a successful joint lock, takedown, wrist lock, weapon disarm, or even certain strikes to be delivered, shutting your attacker down at the onset, minimizing damage to both you and your attacker.  Or just as importantly, it may prevent a situation from escalating past its initial stages altogether.

I do a great deal of this mental rehearsal due to my professional role.  It has prevented situations from escalated more times than I can count.  I’ve used Jiu Jitsu successfully on several occasions, and I’ve also had it not work.  It didn’t really matter though, as losing was not an option for me.  Nor should it be for you.

Training to survive a violent encounter is really a 3 step process.

• Awareness
• Mental Preparation
• Training

The actual practicing of the physical skills is the smallest part of preparing for violence.  It’s a very important part, mind you, but it should be what you spend the least amount of time on, even if you train every day.

If I could give you the mental fortitude and the will to win, I’d be a rich guy.  But I can’t.  No one but you can do this.

Now that we’ve discussed what you need to bring to the table, you can hopefully more accurately assess what, if anything is lacking in your martial art or your teacher, or in you.  You can decide if you’re getting ‘translatable’ skills.  By this I mean skills or techniques that make sense to you, ones that you think you could actually apply, taking into account the most likely kind of attacks you might face, as well as the most likely kinds of attackers.  This will be influenced by where you live, what kind of work you do, what you do is your spare time and the hours you keep, to name just a few.

Now that you’ve made an assessment of what your training does or doesn’t need,  we can move on to touch on winning, long term effects, and the healing process.  

Just like that...

The post would normally be the third in my series on post violence survival, but it's not.

The other day, I received a text advising that an extended family member had been killed in a car crash.  While I was not close to this person, I could not help but think:

"Wow, just like that...gone".  

In an instant, one life is gone and the lives of those close to them are changed forever.  Just like that.

Life can change in an instant and as careful as we all are, bad things can happen.  

I try to use these times to make sure I appreciate those around me, to love my friends and family and to let them know I do, through words and through actions. To not take things for granted.

I hope you do the same.  And thanks for reading.

JM.

Post Violence - Surviving the Aftermath - Part II

In Part I - Surviving the Aftermath I discussed how traumatic a violent encounter can be on peaceful people. This can be exacerbated by losing, or believing you lost. Physical injuries aside, it’s the mental ones that will likely take the greater toll.

I feel it’s important to touch on this a bit more.

Depending on the nature and severity of the violence you experienced, you may experience some symptoms of post-traumatic stress. It’s important to recognize these symptoms and get them out in the open. Talking about them in a timely manner can be one of the most effective ways to mitigate the stress, and prevent a ‘trauma membrane’ from developing.

A ‘trauma membrane’ is one analogy of what people who have experienced a trauma sometimes go through. Over time, this ‘membrane’ thickens as you develop a psychological defense system to insulate or protect yourself from the post stress hyper-vigilance or constant re-living of an event. The downside of this is that that same membrane also inhibits the efforts of others to help you. The take away point here is that early interventions/diffusing/debriefing or just talking about your emotions is very important for the healing/dealing with a trauma.

Left untreated over time, some people may develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD and its effects are worthy of a separate article and I've barely scratched the surface.

Bottom line, recognize when you’re struggling mentally and emotionally from the effects of post violence and seek help if you need it.



Moving on to training:

You’re likely challenging the value of your training, and you may be thinking of changing martial arts or quitting altogether. This is also natural. And this is a tough one. We put a lot of faith into those who teach us martial arts, believing we are getting effective and realistic self defense (assuming that’s why we are taking it in the first place).

For someone who has only trained for a couple years, this can be tough to judge. What qualifies someone to teach the martial arts? Is the ability to deal with real violence necessarily a pre-requisite? How would you even judge that? 

Many teachers of martial arts have never been in a real violent encounter. They may be extremely well equipped to deal with it, of course, or they may not be. This is why it’s crucial to find someone that understands the ‘why’ of what they’re teaching, not just the ‘how’. 

Without understanding the action/reaction/consequence/reason for it, you’re essentially going through the motions. It’s like learning the movements of a kata, but never knowing what you’re actually doing to your imaginary opponent. It might look pretty, but it’s unlikely any of it could be applied in the real world.

Examining/evaluating your teacher is quite important but it’s a delicate and touchy subject. Try to seek out teachers that take the time to explain the ‘why’ behind what they’re teaching you, and ones that are open to the ‘what-if’ questions (within reason). Most teachers confident in their skills don’t mind explaining or fielding questions, or having follow-up discussions, as long as it’s done in a respectful way. You have a right to know what you’re getting, after all.

You may also be thinking there’s something wrong with your chosen martial art. I know of one fellow that took Karate for many years. He was really into it. He was on a business trip and was mugged on the street. Sadly, he was so shaken from the experience that he quit Karate, and training all together. He said Karate doesn’t work.

Well, Karate does work. Or more accurately, it can work, provided you have the right teacher and the right student. All martial arts can work. It’s how they’re understood, taught, explained, examined, interpreted, applied and passed on that count.

I don’t know where this fellow trained, or who trained him, so I can’t specifically speak to it, but a blanket statement like “it doesn’t work” is sad. His confidence was shattered and he lost faith in martial arts to be able to protect him.

It could have been how he was taught. It could have been a watered down version, or it could have been his teacher.

Or it could have been him.

And no, I’m not assigning blame to the victim. Sometimes violence is unavoidable and sometimes no matter how much you’ve prepared, the DFL (dumb f’n luck) factor takes over.

In the next part, we’ll discuss what you bring to the table when it comes to training, attitude and action.

Post Violence - Surviving the Aftermath - Part I

It happened.  Even with all your awareness training and attempts to avoid it, it actually happened.  You were involved in a violent encounter.  Now what?

Real violence, unlike in the movies, is ugly and disturbing.  It's unpredictable and unsettling.  It's shocking to most people.  It is typically outside of the realm of normal human experience for the vast majority of what I'll call 'normal' people. Normal meaning decent people, not predators and not those accustomed to violence by way of profession.

There are a number probably outcomes:

1.  You 'lost'.  In truth, if you survived, you've won, but for the purposes of this discussion, we'll call it losing.  You either did nothing and took the beating (quite common), or you tried to defend yourself and it didn't work.

2.  It was a tie.  You took some lumps but so did he/she.  You may be injured but you defended yourself and it ended before your attacker's intended conclusion.

3.  You won.  You fought back and it worked.  The other person gave up, ran away or was injured to a point where they could not or did not want to continue.

Let's take a closer look at each scenario and the impact it may have on you, as a peaceful warrior.

1.  You lost.

For many, when real violence occurs, they freeze up.  The mind simply cannot resolve the issue of what is happening.  For normal people, many times they simply cannot believe it is really happening.  It causes this freeze-up effect.  The body doesn't respond because the mind can't make sense of what is going on.  So you just stand there, hoping to weather the storm.  If this is you, don't beat yourself up over it.  It's very common in peaceful folks to have this response. What you do with this learning experience, what you can take from it will be key as you move on with your life.

If you didn't freeze-up, you fought back but it didn't work.  Also quite common. The controlled safe environment of the dojo is very different than facing someone who is really trying to hurt you on the street.  You may have practiced this technique or that one, hundreds, or thousands of times, but it didn't work.  You may have become too focused on trying to perform one technique to the exclusion of all else.  You may have reverted to a more primal style of fighting back, or you might have started fighting and then turtled to protect yourself until it was over.

You may be injured.  
Your confidence will be destroyed.
You may cry, lash out or be afraid to go outside.
You may become hyper-vigilant and experience a degree of paranoia.
You may think your training was useless.
You may stop practicing martial arts.
You may arm yourself.
You may train everyday.

You will go through a roller-coaster ride of emotions.  The physical injuries are far easier to heal from than the mental scars, which will linger.  

First off, realize that some, most, all, or very few of the above reactions may occur.  Every person is different and will have different reactions to real violence. Whatever reactions you are having, they are perfectly natural.  You are not a coward, you are not overreacting.  Don't try to fight it.  Let them run their course.

You may require professional counselling depending on the severity of the encounter and your reactions to it.  Remember, seeking help when you need it is a sign of strength, not weakness.  If you are re-living the experience over and over again, not sleeping, or self medicating just to get by, you may need to speak with a professional.

In Part II, I'll further discuss the potential impact that an experience like this can have on your day to day experiences and on your future training.  After that, I'll discuss the similarities and differences between losing or winning a violent encounter.

Stay tuned and be safe.